September 28th - My best birthday present ever (my babies)

Happy Birthday to me! 38 years young

24 hours free of babies. At first I couldn't stand it and I went over to grandma and grandpa's house to visit them. Once I started sleeping though, I just woke up to pump and then back, etc. Breakfast, relax, T.V., Facebook, coffee, CHILL. Ah...

Then the car broke down. David's getting it fixed now.

Sleeping

They are sleeping in their crib. On their bellies and with blankets (verboten by the medical people), but I'm happy to see the little angels dreaming away. I read a website tonight about not "baby training", respond to the baby and he will be mentally healthier. I had a responsive mom and I still got a bit crazy later, but it's no guarantee. 

I found the Kids Music station on Shaw T.V. yesterday! We did a lot of dancing. It was very fun.

I am still more tired than I should be. I need to go out more! Of course I'm motivated now, at 5:50 am.

3rd day without a Nanny

 It's Friday, the 3rd day of the nanny vacation. My mom and dad have been helping a lot. My mom comes at 8am and my dad takes the 12 to 3 shift. David and I handle 3pm to 8am. (We are also available while my parents are here too of course.) The days blend together. Lately David and I have both been dragging ass. Me with my physical issues (mostly breast related), David fighting off a flu. The babes have both been doing more crying without a real reason that we can see.This is really frustrating because I don't know why they are crying, and my mind goes to - what if he is hurt, what if I pulled too hard on her arm, what if I'm missing something - or I just get frustrated with him or her. In general everything's fine. I really want more smiles though! They are like money in the bank that I can spend on those grating crying jags. They are getting nice and big which is awesome. They must be about 10 lbs now. I don't know. I did some scrap-booking today, got their hospital wristbands taped in. I also sent off a form to the CRA because they didn't know about Olivia, and put together some thank-you cards. We got the sweetest pink/blue quilts from the Dawsons, with their names on (see picture)! We got our first delivery of groceries from SPUD today so I've been drinking lots of delicious almond milk. Finn is swinging away and Olivia is murmuring in her sleep beside me. I'm here, blogging, and hoping I get another hour before I have to face them crying.

Finn swinging:

Mom Doesn't Need to Be Cool

This pic is for the new greeting card with the babies. I love these new photo products you can get, like photo books, cards, calendars, etc.

The babies are getting more expressive. More smiles! Still too few, though. I want more smiles, and I can't wait for the laughter to begin.

I'm still eating very little dairy, but I am allowed a little and one coffee per day. I was really feeling terrible for a while there, not sure why, but diet was part of it. I can't have gluten, and so adding dairy and caffeine was too much. Especially since we don't get to the grocery store as often as we need to and the choices in house are often quite minimal.

I'm also doing what I can to keep my "ladies" healthy. Making milk for two takes quite a toll and I am often sore, they are also hot and look bruised a lot. And big and heavy! I feel I'll never jump or dance again. I'm basically fighting off mastitis continually. I express after pumping and try to use heating pads and baths when I have time.  Ouch! They just feel like NOT part of my body, or not a part I want. It's depressing, sometimes. But nothing replaces the feeling of breastfeeding. When their little faces look up and suck suck, big eyes, connection. Worth it.

I'm trying SPUD, an online grocer that sells all the healthy organic stuff. Why don't all grocery stores deliver? The first delivery is Friday.

The babies are getting lots of visitors! My students (4 of them) came on Sunday, and Julie (also an ILAC teacher) came on Thursday. We've also had Tanya and BJ from my Courtenay days, Kelly, and many more.

The main thing happening here, other than the day to day grind of feeding, pumping, diaper changes, burping, cleaning (mostly other people doing that), trying to sleep, the main thing happening is that I am constantly in love with these darlings. Just in love in a very deep way. It's impossible to describe other than to say that I look into a little face and promise to love him/her and to do everything in my power to create a happy life for him/her. They will never know about these monologues. I tell them also how much I love them, how adorable they are, the cutest cutest cutest.

They are truly the best drug in the world. They make everything make sense. I'm pretty OK with being a cliche at the moment. Corny is fine with me. I'd rather be here than be cool and ironic and unhappy. Coolness is for people who need it, and I don't.

I mean look at this!

the dairy/colic connection = HOPE

OK. It's day 2 with no dairy. Well, I had cream in my coffee and tea, but other than that, no dairy. No: butter, yogurt, cheese, milk, ice-cream, etc. No good stuff.

Tonight...I think it's working... Finn and Olivia have been calmer, sleeping more, seem more content, less screaming. I dare not hope, dare I?

I have been checking Facebook, updating to-do lists, doing laundry, watching TV, making a photo-book online. David is up there sleeping. If I can have 50% of my nights like this I'll thank my lucky stars.

time has lost all meaning

change, feed, burp, change, rock/swing, put down, pray for sleep, rinse, repeat

then go pump 

note to self: buy earplugs for Finn's grating scream. He is very alarmed by the inner workings of his gastrointestinal system.

Medicines:

1. gripe water
2. Ovol
3. Zantac